


Last Lullaby

by SpencerWinterSoldier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crying, Death, M/M, Sadness, general unhappiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:08:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4717181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpencerWinterSoldier/pseuds/SpencerWinterSoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's mom died. Where does he go? Buckys of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really short one-shot

Steve wasn't saying anything, and he wasn't going to. The suitcase, if you could call the thin straps of shredded leather barely holding itself in one piece, thudded heavy and dull on the apartment floor. Bucky strained for words. This was the kind of silence he was never good at filling. Normally he'd joke. He'd punch Steve's shoulder and tell him about the last comic he'd read. He'd make a joke about needing milk but not wanting to go to the store cause Norman was working there and he'd have to take three showers to get Normans horse-breath off him. Right now there was just a vacancy in the room. Steve had walked in with it. 

Steve wasn't talking about it. And he never would. It would be midnight in Poland before Bucky heard her name leave Steve's lips again. There would be bombs and mortar shells falling everywhere but right on their heads. They'd be trying to sleep but knowing neither of them would. James would be feeling stronger than he ever had and Steve and him would be trying to ignore the world ending around them. The stars would be blocked out with smoke and Steve would be praying. 

"Keep us safe. I love you mom."

James stared a little too long and he knew Steve felt his eyes. 

"You ever miss mom Buck?" 

"All the time." Then it was quiet again. 

"I do too," somewhere out of the darkness. "I just try to make sure she's still proud of me."

Right now though, Steve wasn't talking about it. Bucky hugged Steve. Didn't care that it was like hugging an iceberg of cold. Didn't care that Steve's arms stayed stapled to his sides. Hugged him. 

"It's going to be alright." Bucky said, knowing almost instantly what a wrong thing to say that had been. 

"You can stay here as long as you need. Forever if you want." 

"I'm going home tomorrow." 

Okay. Not that this was at all a surprise or unexpected. It was Steve. Still, right now, under all that stoicism there was a trembling. He knew Steve well enough to know that it'd stay swallowed. All the tears burning and building till it drowned or flamed out everything. He just needed Steve to be okay. 

"I'm gonna go get milk. I'll be right back. 15 minutes probably." Enough time for you to cry. Seriously, have you cried? Cry. Please. 

He walked out the door and headed down three block to the left and he walked in. Norman was working there and made the whole place smell like a sausage factory with each exhale. He walked to the back, to the refrigerated section. Stopped at the milks. 

He stood their with the cool glass condensing in his hands. It was a second before his knee's buckled. 

Then his hands dropped. He let the glass roll down the floor. His breath was catching and hitching on every breath. His vision was blurry. His mouth hung open and he cried. Sarah was dead. And sure he'd had a crush on her since her heavy accented voice had sung him to sleep for the first time. And sure she'd probably been the first woman he'd every thought himself in love with. But now he realized what it meant to have family, to lose family. He felt the loss heavy, sucking in his chest. He felt her hands on him, he felt her stitches and he felt the universe unraveling. He was sobbing. Sobbing like a damn dame in one of those stupid movies. He tried to keep air in but it kept blasting out. He'd lost a mother. He thought abut her hands holding the frozen peas on his quickly swelling eye. He thought about how she'd thank him under her breath, so Steve wouldn't hear. He thought about how strong she's made Steve. How brave she'd always been. And the tears rolled like rivers. And he cried. Five minutes. A lifetime. Some time when by. And he stood. He paid for his milk. Bought Norman a stick of gum and some mints, winked at some girls walking in and went home. 

Steve was asleep on the couch when he walked in. He probably hadn't slept since Sarah'd started to get really sick. Bucky wanted nothing more than to come, push his body up tight against Steve's and wrap him insides of his arms. He wanted to fall asleep a blanket dropped over this boy. 

"Be here when I wake up in the morning kay?" He whispered before he went into his room. 

Staring up at the ceiling Bucky waited for sleep to come. He waited, letting the moon parade over his bed. It glinted off the pools of tears welling at the sides of his eyes. He thought he heard Sarah say everything would be okay. Thought he heard that strong song of a voice of her's singing at him. One last lullaby, he thought, not caring that it wasn't real. One last lullaby.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is virgilinasgard.tumblr.com so if you liked it and want to know who I am follow me there!


End file.
